A little advice for a successful relationship
I would like to share one of the golden advice for a successful relationship is: to keep it simple. That’s it. Don’t search for ways to make the relationship happy or make it work. Notice how much effort it’s taking of you to make it happen. Do you struggle to be yourself in it? Are you aware you are following the advice of your inner voice to change, to solve or to be responsible for it? Not sure?
Think of a relationship that exhausts you, ask yourself this:
What am I not willing to accept in this relationship?
Who am I in the relationship?
Is it truthful?
In any relationship, the moment we place pressure to be someone other than who we are, we will lose our selves in the process. We believe it requires a-lot of effort to make a relationship work by being someone another expects us to be. The “right kind of” employer, wife, husband, mother, father, daughter, son, friend and list goes on.
Now you may say, of course, that is logical, but is it?
Can you place your hand on the heart and truthfully say you are at peace with yourself? Within you, there are no judgments on other relationships or on people? The habits in our minds make it complex with doubt, expectations and insecure about a future. So to be simple sounds easier than done.
“ It’s simple to be happy. It’s difficult to be simple” –Rabinath Tagore
I struggled with this through mindfulness, yoga classes, all the coaching sessions and all the positive thinking that one was supposed to have. We fill ourselves with techniques and not only overwhelm ourselves but strain the relationships that matter to us. Overwhelm clutters the space of peacefulness. The mind remained hooked on judgments. How many of you have that as well? So many techniques to so many rules, relationships destined for more misery until it came to a point of no return.
The relationship, we place most pressure on is with the ones we love the most. We don’t want to disappoint them, fight or argue. Those relationships can take a moment to break and a lifetime to mend, most often, because of pride or rather the lack of humility. When it comes to those we don’t care for so much, it’s easier. The pressure we place on ourselves is less. While the ones that no longer seem possible to mend will play on the mind for a long time.
To be simple is difficult because it requires us to stop all the fixing and reconstruction. Take the pressure off ourselves expecting to change it and make a relationship work by turning our attention to the self. Look into the dark corners of fear or sadness, in the shadows, let the purity of true pain come forth. It can take a while for the simple solution of forgiveness to show up, because pride will spend hours, building up a wall to not feel that awful pain that drowns in a never-ending high wave of insecurity. But it will show up.
In the “zen “ style approach, practices such as contemplation, right understanding, and inquiry, is a gentler approach where all systems of health will balance itself out. Freedom from the mind. The path to free the mind from the pains of emotions through “right questioning or contemplation” offers a simpler and effective approach to the self. For some, it may take a while to surface from all the pain. When it does, a gentle stillness arrives, even if thoughts go on. Funny enough, the answers on how to respond to your relationships will also spontaneously show up. Pride will have no place or space to convince you, and the relationships you felt like having, will be there.
Discover: #befriendurmind in relationships. Contact me: @kirti168, if you would like to share insights about a particular relationship. Finally, feel this article may benefit someone, pay it forward and share it out !
The importance of managing Expectations
Expectation, what is that?
The expectation is the killer of living life happily. It’s the quickest route to trap the mind in an endless cycle of worries, concerns, and struggles. When we want to change our lives lies in The importance of managing Expectations, where it must be clear that the word “everlasting” is not possible. When choices are made based on expecting a different outcome, one lives in a constant state of doing, attempting to manipulate change to work, and stress the self to get a particular outcome.
This kind of behavior has a tendency to limit us in our relationships, decision making and discovering creative solutions. Such behavior rarely gets a favorable outcome. In fact, at its’ core, expectations will keep one tired and burnt out, which is also why many, who are doing contemporary yoga and meditation are receiving very little benefits. We are still trying to control ourselves in the process of relaxation, self-care, and de-stressing.
All beings want a favorable outcome, they want some sort of guarantee which is usually driven by a fear of the unknown. Change only knows the unknown and not expectation. Many join self-development pundits and mimic their method, in hopes to get the same outcome without releasing any old habit patterns from the past. We try and substitute them as quickly as possible as though time is running out, which again brings us to expectations. One is caught in an endless cycle of “why am constantly repeating struggle?”
I really use to look up to coaches and marvel at their way of optimism. I often had forsaken my own practice given by my spiritual friend, because it was far more boring to surrender and give up stuff. I use to believe in needing goals and a commitment to a secure future, something coaches are famous for. It felt more exciting and motivating to have self-empowering tools to feel good and forget about dealing with the thorns of emotional struggle.
Eastern philosophy has continuously emphasized on the opposite. Temporary relief is still pain. The key is to develop a muscle of effort to be effortless, drop the expectations factor to live a so-called happier life. So why do we need so many tools, methods or right ways to achieve the secrets to success?Is the “right” image of success an unnecessary expectation?
I remember, as I had decided to sit with myself and find out who I really was, my spiritual guide had shared with me “Kirti, what you are doing is not it”. I was annoyed! Here, I was following what everyone expected, do what everyone was doing and be surrounded by “have a coach” syndrome to achieve this positive success. They seemed to be the answer to move forward in life, so why wasn’t it happening? I felt like an episode of Karate Kid, where I was given chopsticks to understand life.
I resisted his words, I did not want to hear them, in fact, the coaches all shared how negative I felt because I had all these emotions re-surfacing and was honest about them. Why was it so frowned upon? I often thought “What a loser, I must be” and I began to place this enormous pressure on myself to change to be ‘positive’. All it ever resulted into was: another dead-end. I felt bad, why judge coaches? They really do have good intentions but I just couldn’t fulfill some expectations. I couldn’t place my finger on it. Perhaps not everyone is meant to follow that road, I thought.
Early last year, the coaches who kept telling me what to do, lead me to have some freaky breakdown. I decided no way, no more. Taking the pressure of the self and surrendering at the moment, was similar to taking off a heavy coat of self-expectations and feeling a sudden sense of release. No more pressure to force the self to be someone who I really have no desire to be…and be ok with it.
It was scary, who am I…. if I let all these expectations go?
I could feel the arrows of hope, desires and all kinds of expectations stabbed into my back… and as I lay there on the bed, instead of breathing, I was bleeding and exhausted. The time to surrender had arrived and a freedom showed up. For the first time, I tasted a moment of freedom, that was motivation enough to relieve my addiction and un-coach the self.
Leaving the coat behind and into quietness, I became acquainted with the demon of self-expectations. No longer fighting it and using the tools of stillness, I would take her out for a cup of coffee. No more aggression, no more words, or forcing the self into meditation or yoga. Just practice, practice, practice undoing all the complexities of a personality and return to being a simple human being. Honesty and sincerity with the self is a skill to master, a skill to no longer hide from anything that showed up. A skill that the demon of expectations struggles with. Within a few days, my life started to fall apart together. Watching the mind was no longer an enemy or a friend, and the acceptance of subtle expectations became more visible.
What is my take on coaches… now?
I don’t have anything against them. I only understood, if you choose the path to become friends with yourself for the benefit of all your relationships, coaching and spirituality will clash. The road of truth is not for the light-hearted. It takes courage to fall down because the truth never lies and offers no temporary relief. A feeling of peace will arrive and can remain.
Coaches are beneficial but serve little purpose when it comes to being free from expectations. Spirituality trains the mind to un-train expectations, and allow stillness to be there even when the mind is chaotic. By sharpening the focus, self-pressure is relieved and a space of clarity shows up. For a long time, I felt guilty, letting amazing coaches down, because I sensed a danger with simultaneously mixing coaching and spirituality. It feels like a battle between reaching a goal and going goal-less,. It’s a choice on how to manage the expectation, a choice that really cannot be mixed, at least not in my situation.
Each day of practice, I find the self smiling at the most simple moments in relationships. The desire to achieve success or perfections has softened away and a patience to accept relationships as they arrive. I’m careful now when clients approach me for #befriendurmind techniques. There is one question I now ask: do you want to feel better or do you want to be honest with yourself? Two very different intentions, roads and options in managing expectations.
One thing is certain, freedom is a goalless goal, that which is clear from any expectations. Regardless if you like the situation or not, the shift in it largely depends on the way expectations are managed. This requires a skillful approach to questioning our intentions, motivations, and desires before we express ourselves.
The Wise teachers of the East understood something that only constant practice to be effortless delivers: it’s the art to manage expectations. It will bring a lasting contentment, and the choice is left to every individual.
Send me an email firstname.lastname@example.org or on social media @kirti168 if you have a question. Get your personalized calmness guide. Found this article useful? pay it forward and share it , maybe it will change someone’s else perceptions along the way and their relationship.
The Superbowl between yogis was a sad game, where no one won.
Sunday was a challenging day. My mind was racing between zero to a million thoughts of monkey minding. As I sat next to my dad, trying to keep him company with the super bowl, men chasing a ball to see who wins. (Seriously, I don’t think I will ever understand this sport, no offense). I found myself engaged in a different kind of Superbowl online.
The hot topic of Yogi’s trying to show their expertise about yoga because there have been more and more talks and articles about #whitesupremacy and #culturalappropriation. This is a sad subject for an “Indian Woman raised in the West”. Because of life circumstances, my parents had to live out of their own state, be relocated to another part of the world, because of the partition. Since then, they have had no place to go “home “ too. What did that make me? Born Indian, Dutch Passport, Caribbean roots with all flavors of nationality. Maybe the identity is really a cultural misappropriation. :). My parents raised us to be tolerant and to get “over” ourselves if we treated another race differently, we were raised with both cultures, and also about a woman’s role in the Indian society.
Now back to the present moment, The Superbowl yogis, I was struggling with the mind, because, in many ways as with the Indian Roots in me, I’ve been subjected to many moments of doors closed in my face from Western yoga centers, because, well, let’s just say I didn’t feel as if I belonged there, being a Modern Indian Woman seemed to be an intimidating factor, but let’s not tell these centers that now, because they will respond differently. Fact is these articles has sparked a fire of “ we need to defend ourselves” modus from the West.
Fine, I may not have the “Yoga Journal“ look, “instagram acrobatic poses” and the number of likes on my page may not be hot enough, because I don’t flower puff things nor do I teach Pretzel Yoga. All those things matter, apparently, because here in the West, centers actually interview you to get a “gig” or teach yoga. In fact all, what I do is: sit down with a cup of coffee, oops yes, coffee not tea, and talk to clients about becoming friends with themselves. “UN-coaching” their beliefs, instead of selling them many products to keep them in the trap that they are not good enough and save them from spending tons of money on personal development.
Now many Indians, actually refrain from sharing how they truly feel about what the West has taken on as yoga. Which with all due respect, they, too, played a very economic card. But to point fingers at India about speaking up, and how dare they monetize on Western People, is somewhat also, a bit.. Hmmm… well, you know, not really honest. I mean really, it takes two tango right?
So…. Dare I speak up about the cultural appropriation of Yoga? I walked into it that conversation and BOOM! …. It was getting a bit spicy, like the Superbowl, only the ball was the exchange of words about who is the more intellectual one or “wiser”one and little about how to re-address this issue, freeing it from all the cultural appropriation. I began to realize that this why many of the real true yogis no longer devote their time sharing their wisdom and opt for silence.
As tons of the yoga teachers flock to the post: give opinions, trying to look wise, educated with big words, all forget that too much words, defeats the real benefit of yoga: free people from their attachments to all their thoughts in their head. This is a very simplistic statement, (before the expert wolves come with a big huge theory again). The yoga in the mountains and the yoga in real life will differ, fair to say, times have changed
Many teachers are too busy trying to enlighten people with spiritual hocus pocus words such as: Ahamkara, Samsara, Upanishads, Kundalini, etc, etc, thrown into the pot and criticizing India for also being spiritually materialistic. Completely forgetting about the teacher trainings in the States, that have the approval of the Yoga Alliance, and talk very little about the depth of yoga, why is that India’s fault? Many yoga centers “needed” trainings because the profits are in there. Hmm….
It’s a fact that Yoga Alliance, you know, the need to have a certificate standard of the West, is more valued than the slow practice of East, which is more essential to strengthen a skillful practice for the yoga teacher’s mind itself. This alliance has consented to many yoga trainings that are… Hmmm… how to say this…. “Watered down?”, but dare an Indian woman speak about this , guaranteed, there will be several men, yes…. Men, ready to share their big knowledge bank of yoga and how terrible India to monetize on spirituality, because no one can handle those kind of accusations.
Indians have their perspective on yoga, too, but rest assured the West doesn’t know about them fully; they can only draw conclusions, because they went to live for a limited time and felt they integrated in the community, unless similar to a background like mine, you were born in India and have roots of both worlds.
The fact is many Indians have a different way of responding to events, but will not share it with the West, is it right or wrong? No, it’s just not how they communicate, they differ than the West. Has India also participated in watering down the practice of yoga, yes. Does it all matter? Yes, but not to the extent where it becomes like a #Superbowl for each side, there are no winners or losers.
Again….. It takes two to tango, East and West have participated in the dance together.
A conversation in such posts speaks many subtle layers. All people are looking for today is to find some peace of mind. Anxiety, ADHD, Depression is also influenced by the lack of trust and fear to express the self, all playing a role with the mind habits, and in a society raised on “something is wrong with us”. Take a look at the amount of adverts for medical pills? Over intellectual and too much knowledge is also part of the “something is wrong with us “syndrome.
I wish I wasn’t, but I’m disappointed, there is so much benefit that can arise out of a yoga center, no matter where in the world these centers are and addressing culture is important. It will always differ from country to country, be a wise teacher on adapting the practice requires being skillful in the awareness. While I was sitting there reading the posts, I was thinking what is more important, can yoga centers be a place to give people relief and peace of mind or a bunch of people trying to show how spiritual they are by talking about the what yoga is in the “true” form?
If that exists…. As a wise friend once shared, when you point a finger at another, understand three are pointing back at yourself and one is lifted up to the truth.
Years ago, I walked away from this, and here I was walking right into it, why…. stupidity! Entertaining a conversation where everyone proving themselves is quite the opposite of what yoga is in the first place. And I included “myself” in the conversation…
Yoga is a practice and only through practice can understanding happen to what it really is.
The fact is:
1. When it got translated over the centuries, passed down from teacher to student, it was using words and open to interpretations and their perspective. There was no digital dictaphone, videos or other digital technology than the digits of a hand.
2. It’s not about expertise or looking wise, a teacher connected to the self will understand that any person who genuinely turns to yoga beyond their body is searching for one thing: to come back to their peace of mind.
3. The West struggles with the teacher-student relationship because it has cultural flavors in it. The idea of Gurus for many is just creepy, as an Indian woman, we not allowed to go to the ashram alone, because of man’s perception of women. But some people over obsess about their teachers and some teachers have fallen into the trap of taking advantage, both East and West.
Indian men who shared the yoga in the West, have shared the knowledge and sometimes tainted with their view of women. Yet, I’m cautious about this because as a woman, someday and I may raise a son, what would I want to impart to him? For me, it’s equanimity, the place where self-respect, freedom, and integrity are naturally coming together as a unity without borders. Yoga has shared these skills and tools that can be imparted to him. That’s how I rather share this practice, away from all the spiritual materialism.
Our circumstance of lives has changed, so have our habits and sedentary lives, especially the role of a woman. Is it not clearly visible that mostly women participate in yoga? Some think of it as an exercise while others are trying to find peace from their busy lives. I wondered why have they not gotten the upgraded version, I feel like a #Timesup moment in the yoga land, especially when it mainly comes from a man’s perspective. There are very few Indian women teaching yoga, because of cultural perspective and West have not really opened doors for them, so much for women supporting women and am not thinking about myself. Actually, I’m grateful those doors did close to my face, to understand the practice and feel the effects or rejection, and understand the practice of yoga instead of chanting some weird sentence because it makes me “look wise and spiritual”.
In Curaçao, where I use to live, Yoga was frowned upon, even the church was against it. Furthermore, as a woman, it was frowned up that I was teaching yoga and faced criticism from both: Men and Indians, Gender and Culture, which I spoke about in the book #befriendurmind.
Curaçao is a very unique island, many are raised and use to be educated to speak 4 languages minimum, and later on, I decided to learn more languages and study relationships. There was an unspoken division between race and yet, this island manages to stay peaceful and co-exist with each other. When the yoga center, I ran, gained its respect within the medical field as well as with other religions, one thing is clear: yoga is about equanimity. A place where no race, no gender, no religion, no intellect is higher or lower. A place where we are all the same, but it’s underneath these identities, a place of peacefulness, which many long to be in.
When someone walked through the doors, neither my “I must only teach Indian” approach happened or the “western style of yoga”. On the contrary, I felt a benefit to be a woman understanding both cultures, this practice is beyond our identities and it takes time to un-coach them, skillfully. The benefits are endless, it has helped people with trauma, terminal illness, seniors accepting aging, and much much more. With much delight, I even got to share the practice with Christians, because there was no need to use culture or religion, just practice out of equanimity and mutual respect.
The teacher has to go past this idea of looking all spiritual and shit, because it’s a practice to realize the self, without all these identities and it’s simpler to say and complex in practice. That’s why there was a Guide, to maintain us to stay in constant practice awareness of the self in speech, thought and (re) action.
Not everyone wants to go to that extent in spirituality, even yoga teachers, the longer we practice yoga, the “deeper” one begins to de-layer the identities, and the fear of the unknown shows up, this alone is foolish. I see young girls, becoming yoga teachers and burning out at an early age and have no idea why. The yoga teachers practice matters tremendously, beyond the physical postures. So for many teachers who want to consider continuing teaching yoga, Hmmm…. Practice spending a lot of time alone with yourself, without the self-phone, without walking, talking, or doing and discover the process.
In 2014, I walked away, because I’m not interested in the certification of Yoga Alliance or the title yoga teacher, it comes with many responsibilities beyond the Profession. The title has offered a space for many to cover up their insecurities, still hooked on the “feel good” yoga to temporarily relieve themselves from the emotional difficulties. The intense desire to show up as a leader, motivational speaker, or a famous yoga teacher becomes more important than being aware of the true intention why yoga can benefit the self and other. In the East, one of the highest practice is humility. It’s a practice and not an interpretation. The Superbowl between yogis was a sad game, where no one wins.
At the time I walked away, many, including myself, thought I was crazy because unlike many yoga centers, this one just kept making a profit by no advertising but am glad I did I closed it. I learnt to live out of a simple suitcase and meet many amazing souls along my travels and we connected from a place of equanimity. I rather be without the label, share the tools and skills from a practical perspective, and recognize that stretching the ass was not enough. I smile as I write this and think of the Peacocks in Retiro Park, Madrid, when they knew people admired them, they would whip out their feathers and show you. I always think about the spiritual people and their instagram poses and hear them say “we have to start somewhere”. I rather share the practice of freedom, patience and empower a person to be with themselves and their situations. It takes courage to walk through the mental difficulties, and this is not to be taken lightly. There is no Mc Donalds approach to the mind identities. Mental Health is vital to this age.
If this article is useful and someone can benefit from it, please share it with them or tweet it out. Want to reach out and connect you can find me here at Kirti@kirti168.com
Why clients recommend the Programs of #BeFriendurMind for their Relationships
I’m not for bragging, actually, it’s because we don’t know each other yet, all these recommendations are here! I mean why invest? You would want to have some trust that this program will be beneficial to you and for your relationship, right?
Getting to know someone to befriend your mind, is an important, almost sacrilege decision. This is about our relationship goals. Not meditation, mindfulness or yoga, that is all a process. But having the right cocktail that will actually detox instead of toxificate the mind is crucial to your wellbeing!
This program is about “coming back to awareness”. When you are aware of yourself in the speech, emotions, and thoughts, the value of calmness and patience will arise and you can choose to see different perspectives. It’s difficult in this digital age to find the stillness in daily life, but there is a way, by using our busy life itself. Strange right?
Can I share a story with you about the person who changed my life, my expression of Relationships and pass on his words of wisdom to you?
He told me not to go on retreats or even vipassana meditations. At the time as a yoga teacher, I struggled, I wanted this, like a spoilt child wanting a lollipop. But years later, I understood what he was encouraging me, was not to not run away from problems but to walk through them and make peace with them. It gave a whole new meaning to the Godfathers word of wisdom “Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer”.
Who you really are, is the inspiration for every relationship. You want to know more. Book a free 30 minutes and tell me whats going on. At the most I can say no, BUT, I may have someone in my network who can help you!
Up for it?
Relationship tips: move anger to calmness without meditation
Your family unit is a mess, anger is in the way….. it’s affecting your professional life…don’t deny it, many can see it. You struggle at home to express yourself, worried how the other person will respond, everyone is angry, then you go to work and take it out there. But then… one day… you have this one argument that is a no win-win for either of you, you leave the house but the argument continues in your head as you go on with your day.
You tried the whole mindfulness approach but hey! stuff gets in the way, mindfulness seems like a long process and you need a “cure” now! Yes, they are excuses, but the fact is you are not inspired. You feel more tensed than relaxed in your relationship and wonder where did it all go wrong. Both of you want to be right and neither wrong.
But remember… there will be that day… you know the one that you did not expect, that day you wished you never argued and stayed so strong in your opinion. You know, that day you said: “ I wish I had not….”
Anger, what’s the cost?
Why do we put off the practice of training our mind off, until something drastic happens? No one thinks it can happen to them, but how many lives have you known where sudden change shifted everyone’s life around it?
FACT: The brain eventually does get tired and fatigue itself but when you finally do want to take a different approach you can’t get rid of the consequences of putting it off in the first place. Your mind is like a computer, if you fill it with too many files, crashes will happen. Trust me, I’ve seen clients tell me the words “later”, and thinking things will fall into place but stayed angry until the day they were just too tired. It’s really painful to watch this because you hurt you.
What is the cost and return on investment of experiencing Anger?
An example of cost: I get you, even as an ex-yoga teacher, I burnt -out even after the whole mindfulness courses. I burnt out, too, empathy fatigue, they called it, maybe it was the 8 classes a day. I call it a wake-up call or success fatigue. Working too hard on the company and costing my self- worth. What is the point of financial security for a rainy day, when the rainy day will be your health failing because of all the over effort getting the wealth in the first place and forsaking your emotional balance?
I felt something was missing, what was it…. So I stopped practicing the one size fits all mindfulness and started watching my mind using all the tools I had without sitting for meditation, I sat in stillness and gave myself the same practice I gave clients…. I saw the secret why it was not working and what works:
What wasn’t working was a mind forced to practice mindfulness, will never feel the effects of mindfulness. Because it’s done with the same way as I worked, with aggression. It’s the same energy quality as anger. Clearing the mind really depends on the kind of energy the mind runs on.
Now Mindfulness tackles this, yet for many, the quality of its benefit is low, because once a week really doesn’t do the trick but 66 days of small tasks will. Science has shared this evidence with us. The investment of 66 days, is like investing in the bank, every day a small increment through observation. Every day you invest small in yourself, will have long-term returns.
Yoga was brilliant in breaking this process down. Not the one you attend at a yoga class for 1.5 hours for exercise. Did you know that a mind is prepared for meditation? Did you know you reap results before sitting for meditation? Yoga had nothing to do with postures, in fact, all they are is an instrument to develop patience with ourselves and most of all for meditation to happen automatically…. yes, automatically.
Yoga is about clearing out the stuck energy. Are you aware of the thoughts in our head can influence our hormonal, immune and nervous system?…. and yoga practices clears this out, but not through yoga exercises alone.
Every mind expresses their personality differences. So very briefly, there are three kinds of energies behind the way we express ourselves. ( If you want the quiz to find out which one you are, you have to join the email list)
These three energies are:
whose mind is full of thoughts and keep thinking about them as a problem, they don’t want to take action, we call them the over -worrier
- whose mind is many thoughts trying to fix it, burning their energy , we call them over-thinker.
- whose mind is many thoughts scattered all over the place, they feel it’s too much, we call them the overwhelmed.
We approach our relationship with one of these three kinds of relationship.
Now let’s apply like mathematics ( though numbers are not my fave thing).
Ok, so roll with this for a moment, let’s observe 2 kinds of stuck situations you can have in your relationship with these energies:
Sometimes a relationship feels like a no solution right? whatever way you decide, you feel like its a dead -end. I call it the ( f*ck if you do and f*ck if you don’t approach) Both of these inspires anger.
Which one can be beneficial? Neither….. here is why….
The f*cked if you do approach:
This can be split into two:
1.The Over-thinker tends to be like this: your energy burns out because you keep trying to force a solution… The word: Trying is the key. How many times do you use that word? It’s dirtier than f*ck. Trying is a dead give away you are doing too much effort. The effort is needed but a fake effort is costing you.
2. The Over-whelmed tends to be like: constantly searching for the many many solutions and burns out by overwhelming itself, in forms of nervousness.
There is a tendency to hide these fears or not recognize them as causing trouble. With both these energies, don’t jump right away and say I don’t have fears, everyone does, we just don’t like anyone to know. What fear shows up in:
- Expecting a certain outcome to prevent something from happening that you don’t want. Notice your intention
- The effort it takes to stress on it and force something else to happen.
There is no cookie cutter approach to our mind, this is a bird’s eye view.
Start today and recognize it by this: what is driving you, is it your action fear-driven or relaxing in awareness without expectation?Notice it anytime of the day.
The f*cked if you don’t approach:
Very often the over-worrier experiences this. Your energy doesn’t want to move but it is. In fact, it’s draining you by only thinking about the problem over and over and it’s probably suppressing or clogging the energy! The energy is spent differently, its weighing you down, because the voice in your head convinces you, what you want to do, will hurt another and judging you.
The first key is to: Observe yourself in this self-chatter and notice how involved you are in the fear and watch yourself step away from it. It’s usually called creating the gap or space… in this space, lots of choices and opportunity happens, because the brain juices can flow.
Remember: in many instances, we fluctuate in between these three types but one is always more dominant, noticing is vital. The mind training stuff is effective when you can balance watching the self and strategically implement a decluttering process depending on the state of mind. This is key!
It takes practice, commitment, and patience. This is why science talks about 66 small habits or why even the Asians understood something with all the Eastern Philosophy and it has been successful even in their professional lives.
If you have patience in your financial investment, why not in your relationship investment?
What we can do together:
I always ask clients to tell their story with no filter, with one question: ” what’s on your mind?…what is it saying and send it to me”.It’s like the cupboard filled with worries, concerns, and have no clue where to start organizing or clearing up the mess.
Like the Marie Kondo book, clearing up the mind shifts the winds of your relationships, because:
- You begin to be aware of what works and doesn’t.
- We don’t know where or what to start looking, we clear out the suffering and train the mind to recognize what to see that is hurting you and your family.
Then we get down to the blueprint and implementation of it all. Training the mind is mindfulness, but we don’t necessarily need to sit for 20 minutes a day. We begin with seeing our life as it is then meditation will come easier to us.
Nothing breaks a heart more than to see a family fall apart because of arguments and emotional mismanagement. We have a choice, why wait to do something, when small daily tasks can influence your life, right there and then?
Want to discover more about the #befriendurmind practice, Tell me whats going on, schedule in a free 30-minute appointment and find out what is available for you to change your life, let’s make a workable plan and enhance your relationships. If not, get the book its available on Amazon, iBooks, Barnes & Nobles as an e-book. If your family matters than You matter… don’t forget that!. Contact me: https://linktr.ee/kirti168.